Dodgy workplace antics!

b2tf · 05-01-2005, 04:09 PM

Feathers' story about the Coke all over the floor inspired me.....

Tell us about funny/interesting/dodgy workplace antics you get up to!
(just don't incriminate yourself, dont name your workplace etc)

One of our nasty little tricks was played on one of the nightfillers who, well, lets just say thinks he should be in the manager's chair rather than offloading dog food. He loves his chocolate cakes, so we had the baker make him a 'special' one, and left it in the staffroom - needless to say the mens room was in use for a while after that.

Another one my boss told me about was to use the hygenic gloves. You put one on, grab a piece of ham and some sauce, , wrap the ham around one of the fingers and give it a good coating of sauce. It's a good test to see which of the medically trained staff are up to the job!

mick.wheelz · 05-01-2005, 04:29 PM

I work at a seedling nursery, so one day me and my mate jono were dipping trays in the spore kill to clean them... one of the other guys, charles was being a tool so jono picks up a hand full of mud from off the ground arround the sporekill vat and throws it at him, then its on for young and old... we ended up having a 2hr mud fight when we were supposed to be working...

Tote · 05-01-2005, 04:40 PM

When I was a young bloke...
Being in the electronics industry (and a Govt Department) we used to get large rolls of cleaning cloth which were about 400mm across and woven into a tube, similar to the polishing cloth you can buy at auto stores.
It was a right of passage for the apprentices to be "cheeseclothed" - get a 6ft length of cloth, tie a knot in the end and drop it over unsuspecting apprentices head whilst your partner in crime picked him up and tied the other end, carry said apprentice outside and watch them wriggle around until they bit a large enough hole in the cloth to escape.
Dont think OH&S people would like it these days though....
Regards,
Tote

smciner1 · 05-01-2005, 05:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by the_wheel_man

we ended up having a 2hr mud fight when we were supposed to be working...

/me thinks this would be much more interesting if they were female.....

:

mick.wheelz · 05-01-2005, 06:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by smciner1

/me thinks this would be much more interesting if they were female.....

:

welll... charles has moobies™ is that close enough for ya?

dansedgli · 05-01-2005, 04:40 PM

Once when I worked at KFC I had to clean the big chicken trays. They were greasy as and filled the sink with a layer of grease about an inch thick.
One night we had a food fight after we closed and a hot chick threw a little bit of gravy on me so I picked her up and dumped her in the sink.

It was pretty funny at the time, the who was a bit of a tool had to drive her home it it wrecked his interior.
A few weeks later I ended up hooking in with her so it wasnt all bad.

Feathers · 05-01-2005, 05:42 PM

Hehe, I'll add another story here.
A few months ago I had our Area HR dept annoying me about taking a "promotion" that I didn't want. I was moved temporarily to another store, and when I came back we had a new store manager.
This guy is an absolute turd. He's been pulled from other stores for being nasty to staff.
My first day back he wanted to "remind" me about what is expected from me in my job.
Funnily enough we didn't see eye to eye on it and I walked out of his office, slamming the door behind me.
That must have snapped something in the lock, because 20 minutes later when he wanted to leave the office I heard the door being rattled and pulled at.
Then started the knocking, and shouts of;
"Hello? Hello? Is there anyone there? Can someone open the door please?"

:
There were 3 people in my office right next door, and none of us could stop laughing long enough to go and open it. All in all he was stuck in there about 40 minutes.

Not only does he help me out now, but he even calls me "my friend". :Reverend:

tickford2001 · 05-01-2005, 06:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Feathers

Hehe, I'll add another story here.
A few months ago I had our Area HR dept annoying me about taking a "promotion" that I didn't want. I was moved temporarily to another store, and when I came back we had a new store manager.
This guy is an absolute turd. He's been pulled from other stores for being nasty to staff.
My first day back he wanted to "remind" me about what is expected from me in my job.
Funnily enough we didn't see eye to eye on it and I walked out of his office, slamming the door behind me.
That must have snapped something in the lock, because 20 minutes later when he wanted to leave the office I heard the door being rattled and pulled at.
Then started the knocking, and shouts of;
"Hello? Hello? Is there anyone there? Can someone open the door please?"

:
There were 3 people in my office right next door, and none of us could stop laughing long enough to go and open it. All in all he was stuck in there about 40 minutes.

Not only does he help me out now, but he even calls me "my friend". :Reverend:

hahaha some great stories but this one definately takes the cake (preferably the one without the 'added extras'!

Psycho Chicken · 05-01-2005, 06:19 PM

We've got the standard guy who scared of spiders, so he cops every spider we find in the workshop. In fact, any dead animal we find full stop. Pieces of mop on his shoulder work wonders too.

Sylox · 05-01-2005, 08:34 PM

I work in a Shed detaling cars and fixing POS bomb's.

We shoot rivets out of the air gun at each other
Make 1.25 coke bottle rockets and shoot them across the esate
The spray painters Van quite often gets its tailshaft zip tied or wired with a bolt on the end.
Smoke bombs in his muffler
stick bombs taped to his brake pedal
grease under the door handles
silicone in the window cleaner

Etc etc We play up All the time lol

BA GT-HO · 05-01-2005, 08:47 PM

We have this ****er of a leading hand at my work who thinks he is better than everyone. Anyway, a bloke was leaving so thought he would leave a nice present in the leading hands big tool box (one of those multi draw ones on wheels). He filled it literally to the brim with filthy, filthy grease and brown ink. (Think axle grease) Funny part was the leading hand was on annual leave so only found it 3 weeks later. It is still filled with crap as he is trying to find who did it so they will have to clean it by hand. Pity that person is in another state..

Thunder Kiss · 05-01-2005, 09:12 PM

A fairly conservative (and very religious) work colleague who has a wife named Lorainne was given a message that his wife called from "some shop" in town and to call her back on the number given. After three attempts, and the guy swearing black and blue his wife was there, no one at work could keep a straight face and he was let in on the joke.
He was actually calling a local Geelong house of ill repute, named, "Lorraine Star".

Psycho Chicken · 05-01-2005, 10:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Thunder Kiss

A fairly conservative (and very religious) work colleague who has a wife named Lorainne was given a message that his wife called from "some shop" in town and to call her back on the number given. After three attempts, and the guy swearing black and blue his wife was there, no one at work could keep a straight face and he was let in on the joke.
He was actually calling a local Geelong house of ill repute, named, "Lorraine Star".

haha the year 12's above me did that to the vice-principal, telling him it was a potential new student.

Feathers · 05-01-2005, 09:41 PM

My family owns a bus company, and when we took on an apprentice, the guys would send them on the obligatory errands for left handed hammers/screwdrivers etc.
One guy (who is still with us, and has been for over half his life) was sent to buy two tone green striped paint for the coaches.
He returned from the supplier with 2 tins of green paint, and explained that they were out of stock of the striped paint, but he got the two tins so we could mix it ourselves.
My Dad had no comeback for that.
But at least the guy got paint we could use, even if we didn't need it then.

Toolman · 05-01-2005, 09:50 PM

Black in black and white days when I was an apprentice, I was amazed at the amount of pilfering that occured on a daily basis.

Some of the tradesmen had to bring trailers to work as they couldn't get enough company product in their boot.

As an apprentice it was my job to run erands between floors on a spiral stair case... one morning I flew down the staircase to have it fall and bang around the walls with me trapped inside, one of the tradies had removed the coach screws to build his kids a swing and ladder.

The same tradie on occasions rode his pushbike to work. One morning gettling complete drenched by an unexpected rain storm, he took off his jeans and placed them on a casting press, which bent metal at very high temperatures and pressures (10 ton in old money)... an apprentice who was still traumatised after an near death experiance in a stairwell pressed the green button and reduced his jeans to threads. He peddled home in his jocks.

I miss the old days.

Casper · 05-01-2005, 09:58 PM

my problem is that, until recently, I've always worked for small IT companies so I never really had many co workers. Therefore my clients cop it...usually when they annoyed me.

I did have a coworker in the Qld office for a while. A friend of the company owner he was hired as the hardware tech to install and service the timekeeping hardware for the software we used. Problem was he was an idiot who had no idea, he was hired cause he was a mate of the company owner and thrown at us to train from scratch.
One piece of hardware was a TCPIP addressable unit that allowed the software to talk to the hardware over LANS and WANS. Being a typical piece of hardware it did not run on 240v but a 9v stepdown transformer (like a phone charger).
One day, being sick of him being totally hopeless (this is 9 months after he started), he asked how to program the IP address for the 32342nd time. I told him to plug it in and gave him the power cord off the printer instead as I knew it had the same size plug.
Watching his face as $1000 worth of hardware went POP right in front of the state manager was worth it. Watching him try to explain what happened made my ribs sore from holding the laughter.
He resigned a few weeks later.

Only other real bad thing I did was at a clients. They were giving me the irrits as I had a hangover and didnt want to be there. They wanted me to move the software to a new server and gave me a 19yo techo geek to help (I never touch a client server alone, too much can go wrong that I'd be blamed for). The software used a hardware dongle (like a plug that goes into the printer port on the pc) as a security device. As the new server didnt have a printer LPT port I gave it to the geek to put on. He just reached over the back, felt what he thought was a port, and tried to plug it in. Unfortunatly for him it was something to do with the scuzzy drives and the entire raid array of HDD just died on the spot.
They called the techs, I went home.

banarcus · 05-01-2005, 10:28 PM

It was always fitter-machinists versus the boilermakers where I used to work. As a fitter it was always funny to watch our poor cousins cop the wrong end of a joke all the time. Some of the tricks we did on the boilermakers were:
1) Fart gas inside a tank whilst boilermaker was welding inside.
2) Smear bearing blue on boilermaker's earmuffs and head band on their welding helmets and then watching them poke fun at each other.
3) Smear bearing blue on the black dunny seats.
4) Either stick a frozen welding rod or a few squirts of oil from an oiling can down boilermaker's bum cleavage while he was welding.
5) Put itchy powder down boilermaker's neck while he was welding and then watch him go mad with itchiness.
6) Stick homo porno playing cards on boilermaker's back just before he went up to the shop for smoko.
7) Get out a old rag out of the rag bag that had a few pockets still in the rag. Put in a $5 note in one pocket and $10 in the other. In the 3rd pocket put in smelly rotten stinky stuff like fish oil and then pull out the money from each pocket and then watch boilermaker pinch the rag only for him to put his hand in the rotten pocket.

I even had an apprentice boily stick a centrefold porno on the back of my old esky van. I drove home and only discovered it the following morning. Feeling hard done by I took out a rotten salami out of fridge and while on nightshift, I stuck the salami in the apprentice's kingswood heater box under the dash. I disconnected the heater tap cable so the heaters were always on. He complained the following shift that he a bad stink coming from his vents and that something died in his car. Only when the flies started crawling out of the vents did he pull his dash apart. I still laugh about it lol.

WIKIDSTIX · 14-01-2005, 03:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by banarcus

6) Stick homo porno playing cards on boilermaker's back just before he went up to the shop

hahahaha

we kinda used to do that, but at my old high school (lots of ppl), i printed this colour a4 size close up of a chics pink bits. stuck it on this mates bag, and he was walking around half of lunchtime, which everyone laughing at him.....he couldnt work it out, thinking we were laughing at his hair :S

FordFan86 · 05-01-2005, 10:35 PM

: well this thread has kept me amused for 10 minutes... all greta reading thanks guys

RED_EL_XR8 · 05-01-2005, 11:02 PM

Have a million. but the last one was.

We have the misfortune of working from time to time with the "pommy git from hell" this guy has all the appeal of a camel poo in a bear trap.
Hi company Commo wago has had this unfortunate knock whick has been there almost since the thing was new. In stop'n'go traffic its a "wrk" "thoomp" ad nauseum.
Sydneys Largest Holden dealer has looked at it on 3 previous occasions but no-one has ever been able to isolate the fault.

When the car was near new and we all had sat through one too many tyrades of cockney banter, one of the boys slipped out to the car park, quick peel back of the lower window seal and dropped in a CD. (company badged of course.)

Given up on ever finding the noise, said git one day illicited the help of another colleague to find out why sometimes, the kids couldn't wind the right rear window down fully. And there was the noise source inside the door.

I was questioned as to whether I was responsible. My reply was "hell no! I just came up with the idea." Nearly two years it was there.!

:

RED_EL_XR8 · 07-01-2005, 05:25 PM

Come on guys, a new year and new and creative ideas required.

:

Feathers · 07-01-2005, 05:47 PM

That last story reminds me of something else I did...

The son of one of the guys who used to work at our bus company bought a car at a police auction, and was around showing it off. He thought he was teh shizznit and never failed to remind us all how much his new car rocked.
After about 6 months of this I finally got annoyed at it and decided to teach him a lesson.
While the car was parked at the depot for a few days (defected) I found a marble, pulled back the driver's door lining and dropped it in.
He pulled the car apart looking for the source of the rattle, and after about 6 weeks, gave up, and sold the car. :hihi:

RED_EL_XR8 · 07-01-2005, 05:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Feathers

That last story reminds me of something else I did...

The son of one of the guys who used to work at our bus company bought a car at a police auction, and was around showing it off. He thought he was teh shizznit and never failed to remind us all how much his new car rocked.
After about 6 months of this I finally got annoyed at it and decided to teach him a lesson.
While the car was parked at the depot for a few days (defected) I found a marble, pulled back the driver's door lining and dropped it in.
He pulled the car apart looking for the source of the rattle, and after about 6 weeks, gave up, and sold the car. :hihi:

Marble is good!

b2tf · 08-01-2005, 01:18 AM

Latest one tonight - call an employee on their mobile from the manager's office, tell them that first of all they shouldnt be on the phone whilst on company time, secondly that they're fired.

Done it to 3 people, all 3 of them have walked out. boy am i going to cop it tomorrow. :nutsycuck

champsky · 08-01-2005, 01:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by back2thefutura

Latest one tonight - call an employee on their mobile from the manager's office, tell them that first of all they shouldnt be on the phone whilst on company time, secondly that they're fired.

Done it to 3 people, all 3 of them have walked out. boy am i going to cop it tomorrow. :nutsycuck

lmao! thats hilarious bro lol

wouldve loved to see their faces when you did that lol

10 points for effort lol

deesun · 14-01-2005, 04:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by back2thefutura

Latest one tonight - call an employee on their mobile from the manager's office, tell them that first of all they shouldnt be on the phone whilst on company time, secondly that they're fired.

Done it to 3 people, all 3 of them have walked out. boy am i going to cop it tomorrow. :nutsycuck

Have to say if I did that I wouldn't have a job left because none of my managers would find it funny for starters and I don't have that much time on my hands. Funny shit but.

:

b2tf · 14-01-2005, 04:20 PM

Ah well, i didnt get in trouble for it.

The latest one we did - we have a cardboard compactor at work, basically yuo just chuck it all in down this big long chute. I got a bottle of tomator sauce and let it smear all over the bottom of the chute and around the entrace to it, and got one of those cards that screams every time you open in - stuck that to the door. The 'blood' and the 'screaming' every time someone operated the machine certainly got some interesting results.

Psycho Chicken · 08-01-2005, 10:40 AM

We ran out of roll cabs at work for the mechanics/apprentices a while ago. A few of us have our tool boxes on 44 gallon drums.

Question; We've got a hopeless new first year. Should I weld his tool box to the drum? hehehe

Casper · 08-01-2005, 10:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Psycho Chicken

We ran out of roll cabs at work for the mechanics/apprentices a while ago. A few of us have our tool boxes on 44 gallon drums.

Question; We've got a hopeless new first year. Should I weld his tool box to the drum? hehehe

You need to ask?
A few spot welds are always fun.

b2tf · 08-01-2005, 11:49 AM

Well. My team is not so pleased with me (the 3 who got 'fired' anyway), the rest found it hilarious. Even the manager said to me this morning "if they're that stupid they probably dont deserve to be here" - and i saved him some wages so im in his good books lol.

PC, Weld it to the drum, and then spot weld the lid of the toolbox on. Either that, or coat the bottom of the inside of the box in liquid nails then place the tools back in one by one.