Email i recieved today, golden but contains some sexual bits.

[EBII Fairmont]

Here are 6 reasons why you should think before you speak - the last
one is great! Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately
take the words back...or that you could crawl into a hole?
Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....

FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and
asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow
job?" I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My
husband didn't say a word...he knew better.

SECOND TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I
was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing
for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking
gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me.
Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing
with men's balls."

THIRD TESTIMONY:
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a
variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display
case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I
replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh
hysterically. The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.
To this day, my sister has never let me forget.

FOURTH TESTIMONY:
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to
release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to
grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from
other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right
now" she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye
and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right
now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last
night!"
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the
tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my
dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The
last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of
laughter.

FIFTH TESTIMONY:
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My
three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and
was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick
lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room.
While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I
checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. The realized
that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he
needed to go, and he said "No". I kept thinking "Oh Lord, that child has
had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said,
"Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied.
I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was
getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have
an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over
and >spread his cheeks and yelled "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"
While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he
calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel
better by thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!

LAST TESTIMONY:
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very
embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future,
likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow
but don't get any! We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was
supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and
asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last
night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did
too they were laughing so hard!

[Feathers]

Heard them before, but still funny.

Got to feel sorry for the news reader.
Committing a foo-pah like that is bad enough, without it being broadcast live on television.

[The Monty]

Thats absolute Gold.

[XD-Machine]

lol good laugh.

[Matty_XR6]

Heard a few of them but still funny none the less hehehe

[JD86]

haha yeh they were pretty funny dude

[EBII Fairmont]

My aim of making people lauh has been achieved. If i come across anything else which is worthy i'll post it.

[ltd]

Here's something funny.

If you wanted to see the new video for that Australian Idol stooge that cried on TV, and is now on that celebrity overhaul show.

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/videos/bigboycarwash.html