A man and a woman

[XKALBR]

A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train.
After the initial embarrassment and uneasiness, they both go to sleep. The man in the upper berth, and the woman in the lower berth.

In the middle of the night the man leans over, wakes the woman and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly reach over and get me another blanket?"

The woman leans out and, with a glint in her eye says, "I have a better idea, just for tonight let's pretend we are married."

The man, thinking this is it, says, "OK. AWESOME!"

The woman says "GOOD..... GET YOUR OWN *%!!*?% BLANKET!"

[Peuty]

LOL

Nuff said!

[XKALBR]

and this one ...
A little old lady was going up and down the halls in a nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say, "Supersex! Supersex!" She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him, she again said, "Supersex!"
The old man sat silently for a moment or two looking up at her. Finally he answered, "I'll take the soup."

[XKALBR]

A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of lager and a ham sandwich. The landlord looks at him and says, "But you're a duck".

"I see your eyes are working" replies the duck.

"And you talk!" exclaims the landlord.

"I see your ears are working" says the duck.

"Now can I have my beer and my sandwich please?".

"Certainly," says the landlord, "Sorry about that, it's just we don't get many ducks in this pub. What are you doing round this way?"

"I'm working on the building site across the road" explains the duck. So the duck drinks his beer, eats his sandwich and leaves.

This continues for 2 weeks.

Then one day the circus comes to town. The ringleader of the circus comes into the pub and the landlord says to him; "You're with the circus aren't you? I know this duck that would be just brilliant in your circus, he talks, drinks beer and everything!"

"Sounds marvelous" says the ringleader, "get him to give me a call."

So the next day, the duck comes into the pub. The landlord says, "Hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job. Paying really good money!"

"Yeah?" says the duck, "Sounds great, where is it?"

"At the circus" says the landlord.

"The circus?" the duck enquires.

"That's right" replies the landlord.

"The circus? That place with the big tent? With all the animals? With the big canvas roof with the hole in the middle" asks the duck.

"That's right!" says the landlord.

The duck looks confused. "What the f*** do they want with a plasterer?"

[Shonky]

what has 99 balls and screws old ladies?




Bingo.

(!)