Mate is addicted to Methamphetamine

johnydep · 27-06-2005, 12:26 AM

My best mate is going through a messy divorce, both he & his ex smoked ICE and always said it was only for social occasions, but now there relationship is absolutely rooted and to the point of having me & his family worried about his well being (as in suicide).
Today was panick stage, know one knew were he was. I was with his family discussing things, but I did not bring up his use of ICE. They know something is wrong, but they think it is the break up of the marriage (children involved) and the stress of it all.

I want to tell, but I know that this will cause him to withdraw from everyone and I'll not be able to reason with him like I am now.

He was at home, I had to jump his fence & wake him up.

When I left his place he was going out to his dealer, I laid down my thoughts & feelings to him about what the stuff is doing to him. Told him it is making him angry & aggresive, which is not looking good for his chances with the kids, courts, cops.
He reckons he's not addicted and the stuff helps keep him calm, I told him 'bull', and a lot of other things. Told him that they all say that.

He loves his kids, but he is loosing them and this makes him angrier & depressed, (his wife is a nutter, was using ICE as well and may still be using it) but he thinks the ICE keeps him calm & level headed. Of course it does, when your coming down!

I told him to make this his last score then dry out for a month & see how he feels, because 'your brain is distorted, once it is clean you'll be able to think clearer, think of how you can get the kids, with out that stuff in you'.
He said he understands what I'm saying.

Should I give him a week & see how he is doing, or should I tell his family?

This f*&ks me right up, I feel like grabing his head & smaking into the wall & saying "WAKE UP".

You don't have to answer this, just needed to get a bit of it out of me.

DOC · 27-06-2005, 12:35 AM

Only he can choose to change his ways, He is very lucky to have you as a friend.

Cheahman · 27-06-2005, 12:45 AM

He needs to stop doing what his doing immediately, Im fairly sure his ex can request for him to have a drug test at anytime during the court procedures and if stuff is found in his system its going to severley ruin his chances of getting custody of his children.

SpoolMan · 27-06-2005, 12:49 AM

Unfortunately they all say there not addicted, they all say they can stop at any time... and they will tell you they dont want to stop but will later.
And its not very often they change they keep going the same way.

27-06-2005, 12:53 AM

Well I am sorry, but this is the mother/grandmother/welfare/refuge worker coming out in me. Yes he is the only one that can change his ways. Perhaps he is quite happy, as is his mrs, in there own selfish world, but who the hell do they think they are destroying their childrens lives like this? Our children are a precious lifeform and not to be taken for granted, as so many people tend to do.

Both parents seem to be facing the loss of their children if they don't come to grips with reality, as the children can/will be placed with other family members or strangers. This sort of thing makes my blood boil. I think you should be talking with his family seeing as you are such a caring and close friend, as this can have deeper repercusions for all involved.

johnydep · 27-06-2005, 01:07 AM

Thanks guys.

Told him about the blood test, thought it might wake him up, he reckons he'll detox himself before the test plus ICE doesn't show up in tests. I told him & explained to him that that is bull.

I've got young kids, and my blood boils when I think about what the kids must see & here, especially since the parents relationship has become abusive.
My wife reckons they should both loose their rights as parents. I understand fully.

I've known this guy for 23 years, through thick & thin, the only thing I am concerned about telling his family is him loosing trust in me & me not being able to try & help because of the break up of our friendship. If I'm not there, his only help is his dealer.

His mum broke down on my shoulders tonight. His dad came close to it. His sister is in denial. His brother has an idea, I might speak to him about it.

FRDGAL · 27-06-2005, 01:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by johnydep

My best mate is going through a messy divorce, both he & his ex smoked ICE and always said it was only for social occasions, but now there relationship is absolutely rooted and to the point of having me & his family worried about his well being (as in suicide).
Today was panick stage, know one knew were he was. I was with his family discussing things, but I did not bring up his use of ICE. They know something is wrong, but they think it is the break up of the marriage (children involved) and the stress of it all.

I want to tell, but I know that this will cause him to withdraw from everyone and I'll not be able to reason with him like I am now.

He was at home, I had to jump his fence & wake him up.

When I left his place he was going out to his dealer, I laid down my thoughts & feelings to him about what the stuff is doing to him. Told him it is making him angry & aggresive, which is not looking good for his chances with the kids, courts, cops.
He reckons he's not addicted and the stuff helps keep him calm, I told him 'bull', and a lot of other things. Told him that they all say that.

He loves his kids, but he is loosing them and this makes him angrier & depressed, (his wife is a nutter, was using ICE as well and may still be using it) but he thinks the ICE keeps him calm & level headed. Of course it does, when your coming down!

I told him to make this his last score then dry out for a month & see how he feels, because 'your brain is distorted, once it is clean you'll be able to think clearer, think of how you can get the kids, with out that stuff in you'.
He said he understands what I'm saying.

Should I give him a week & see how he is doing, or should I tell his family?

This f*&ks me right up, I feel like grabing his head & smaking into the wall & saying "WAKE UP".

You don't have to answer this, just needed to get a bit of it out of me.

I understand where you're coming from. If something were to happen to him you might feel guilty that you never told? But he's an adult. He is making the decision to do something that he knows isn't the right thing. I think the best and important thing you can do for your friend is be there and assure him that you're their for him. You're a good friend - he is very lucky to have you.

If you feel that by saying something is betraying that's ok - don't feel guilty because you are not the one forcing him to do this. Is there anyone (a mutual friend perhaps) that you can tell and bring in on the situation? Any one at all?

Ofcourse you have the option of telling his family. Sit and think about this. If you feel strongly that you need to say something to someone then do it and don't feel guilty. Remember, alot of times family are oblivious to things like this and would have appreciated if someone would have said something to them to let them know.

Do what your gut tells you - go with what you feel is right. My ex is on some hardcore stuff but it's not my business to interfere with a grown mans decision on what to do with his own life. My choice was and is to stay right out of it. If something happens to him he leaves 2 kids behind - he knows that full well yet he continues. I've spoken to him about it but in the end he makes the choice so I feel no guilt when I see what he does.

Also you could try an Intervention (I think that's what it's called) You get a few mates together and confront him. Throw a few pictures of his kids at him and let him react. At the end of the day he's an adult and makes his own decisions. Forcing him to 'dry out' won't work unless he wants to do it! Sometimes not only is it hard to step back but often it's the only choice we're left with. I hope all that has made sense and seriously, don't do your head in. If you end up not saying anything then just be there for him.

JC · 27-06-2005, 01:23 AM

My sister has been through all sorts of crap (patient in psych ward, etc) because of these so called recreational/social drugs - ice, "e", weed, etc. My advice is to tell the family, because your friend needs all the support he can get. If the family doesn't help, then it's not your fault, but I can't imagine them not helping unless they are a pack of losers. My family is by no means a picture of the ideal family, but we all try and help my sister when she needs it.

If your friend does not get help, his kids may be at risk of real physical harm, especially if he has a bad trip. I'm sure you do not want to feel responsible if that does happen, so get him as much help as you can, as soon as you can.

johnydep · 27-06-2005, 01:44 AM

There are two mates that are concerned about him, they keep asking me for info on him, since he has lost touch with his core group of friends. I have told them bits & pieces, but not enough for them to know of any addiction.
I've thought about telling them & getting us to confront him, but I think that should be a family thing, as he might become ashamed of others knowing which will lead to lies, denial & abuse.

His family are very decent and close, sitting wiith them tonight was tearing me apart. I wanted to tell them, but I don't want to be the one to break his parents heart (who are both late 60's) and I don't want to break his trust in me, yet they both know something is wrong but think is depression from the relationship break up & that he should see a psychologist.

MITCHAY · 27-06-2005, 01:51 AM

Jeez talk about being stuck between a rock and a hard place. I think either way you go your not goin to feel particularly good about it but at least if you tell them he can get some help and there wont be any secrets.

johnydep · 27-06-2005, 01:54 AM

I'm going to call his brother tomorrow, meet up with him & tell him.

Or should I give my mate a week.

That is my dilemma.

I'll sleep on this, as I am feeling quite low at the moment and the more I think about the lower I get.

It's amazing you know, you think things should get easier as you get older, we should get smarter & wiser as we age. This is the sort of thing I thought we had all left behind when we were care free & reckless, then my mate comes along & blows that theory out of the water.
Bastard.

AAAAAAAAAA Drugs suck!

johnydep · 27-06-2005, 01:56 AM

Thanks everyone, I feel a bit better getting that off my chest.

Goodnight

:

XRated · 27-06-2005, 08:37 AM

I think you're making a wise choice telling his brother (are they close?). This way he has got family that knows about it, and can also genuinely help without getting the parents more alarmed. Maybe ask his brother to give him a few more days before he confronts him about this issue?

Luckily he has someone like you that cares.

All the best buddy.

OLDFORDNUT · 27-06-2005, 09:31 AM

he is a loose cannon with his speed rages especially around an angry woman ,he could snap without any warning and seriously hurt or kill the children,you must forget about hurting his feelings and tell someone .

EA2BA · 27-06-2005, 09:50 AM

If it was me I would want my brother to know as he would come and kick my butt and give me a wake up call but I am saying this as a sober non-addicted person, if I was addicted to something I would give any excuse to someone to not tell my brother cause of the above, but when all is said and done, and I was over my addiction I would be see reason and be happy I was dobbed in.

Just my thoughts.

bindi · 27-06-2005, 09:54 AM

Think of the kids... I'd tell. Those poor darlings, being in a difficult, abusive and dangerous situation. I'd also tell of the wife's drug problems, mainly because those kids really shouldn't with EITHER of them.

You're a great mate, but this imho is more serious than friendship. There are lives being damaged and threatened in this situation.

You telling him to give it up will not make an ounce of difference either. Tried to tell a smoker to give up? Tried to tell an obese friend to lose weight or they could die? Just doesn't work.

I hope your sleep proved to be productive

Good luck, I'm thinking of you.

loxxr6 · 27-06-2005, 09:56 AM

Quote:

There are two mates that are concerned about him, they keep asking me for info on him, since he has lost touch with his core group of friends. I have told them bits & pieces, but not enough for them to know of any addiction.
I've thought about telling them & getting us to confront him, but I think that should be a family thing, as he might become ashamed of others knowing which will lead to lies, denial & abuse.

I have no problem with people doing stuff casually(but not hard drugs) but when its an addiction, its time to stop.

I think your mates may need to see him first hand and let them draw their own conclusions.

I'd sooner deal with mates than family on that sort of thing. If his wife is at it then its not like there's any support from her in dealing with the matter.

Quote:

His family are very decent and close, sitting wiith them tonight was tearing me apart. I wanted to tell them, but I don't want to be the one to break his parents heart (who are both late 60's) and I don't want to break his trust in me, yet they both know something is wrong but think is depression from the relationship break up & that he should see a psychologist.

I don't think parents need to know about these things. I think that sometimes its best to keep them ignorant. Speaking to his brother is a good idea though.

Heeno · 27-06-2005, 10:21 AM

i have been in the same situation as you, its very hard and more so a time thing, you have to let your mate know you'll be there for him, even if he goes off at you, the last thing he wants to hear is that he's a speed addict and he has problems, that will just **** him off! also tell his parents, it will be hard but it will all be good in the end, he might get ****ed at you for it, but remind him that your his mate and mates look out for each other! but the rest is up to him, also the most importent talk to him about how he feeling and what he's going through and iunstead of him goin to his dearler convince him of other alternitaves like the pub, races, movies whatever just something anything to keep his mind off it.

hope that helps you out a bit
goodluck

johnydep · 27-06-2005, 11:04 AM

Thanks again everyone.

The kids are under 4, when he picks them up he drops them off at his parents house & they spend 75% of the time their, so that's one blessing.
He & his ex are both accusing each other of being mentally & physically abusive to each other and of only having the kids safety as their priority.
She has no family to watch over them, but from what I have seen she seems to be a decent mother.

I am not worried about breaking our friendship, I'm more worried that he will break contact. This would leave me unable to help, and he is my best mate, so I do want to help.

So far I'm thinking that I will call his brother tonight, arrange a meeting & tell him everything that I know & see if we can come up with a solution.
Next is to tell the other two mates, that are concerned, what I know & all three of us to make a social visit to his house.

Anyway, enough of this. Enjoy the rest of the forum and thanks again.
By the way, the sleep did help a bit, but seeing my kids happy & getting ready for school was what really lifted me up.

MotherNatureVer2 · 27-06-2005, 11:33 AM

Matey,

As most know here I have been on the backend of this situation & am still battling it. I was not the druggy but the kids father hit it really bad.

I know for a fact these kids are being screwed with either parent and when I initally read your first post I thought "Get them out of there & call Docs" ...... I am still of this opinion.

Only when they can BOTH prove they are drug free will they get to see the kids. My ex is still unable to see my kids as he refuses to do any drug tests to prove his sobriety. Dont let him believe for one minute that they cant detect these drugs ........ I know Speed stays in the system for over 30days & Weed for over 90 days ......... How do I know this ????? I had to have all the drug tests as my ex & his g/f drugged me without me knowing ...... 4 days of no sleep had me wondering wtf was going on!!!!!

Definatley talk to his brother, if you have known your mate for that long you will know this guy well too Im assuming. Two heads are definatly better than one in these situations.

Yes he is in denial (your Mate), Yes he thinks hes OK ....Yes he thinks he can handle it ...... they all do........

Please dont let it get to the situation that I lived where I was kidnapped by my ex ...... The Drug induced phycosis will send him that far .... dont let he or anyone tell you it wont ............

Should you need to chat at all in private send me a PM ..... I might be able to help with a few ideas that I sont think need to be in a public forum.

BA GT-HO · 27-06-2005, 12:27 PM

Just one comment, I reckon you tell the family as I had a mate from work that kept all his problems to himself and ended up killing himself. He never told his family about his problems and his mates didn't either and the family ended up scratching their heads and asking why no one told them about his issues..

Just a thought, as I would hate to think if something happened you would have to live with thinking "what if i said something to the family? Would it have changed things?"

johnydep · 27-06-2005, 01:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MotherNature

Matey,

As most know here I have been on the backend of this situation & am still battling it. I was not the druggy but the kids father hit it really bad.

I know for a fact these kids are being screwed with either parent and when I initally read your first post I thought "Get them out of there & call Docs" ...... I am still of this opinion.

Only when they can BOTH prove they are drug free will they get to see the kids. My ex is still unable to see my kids as he refuses to do any drug tests to prove his sobriety. Dont let him believe for one minute that they cant detect these drugs ........ I know Speed stays in the system for over 30days & Weed for over 90 days ......... How do I know this ????? I had to have all the drug tests as my ex & his g/f drugged me without me knowing ...... 4 days of no sleep had me wondering wtf was going on!!!!!

Definatley talk to his brother, if you have known your mate for that long you will know this guy well too Im assuming. Two heads are definatly better than one in these situations.

Yes he is in denial (your Mate), Yes he thinks hes OK ....Yes he thinks he can handle it ...... they all do........

Please dont let it get to the situation that I lived where I was kidnapped by my ex ...... The Drug induced phycosis will send him that far .... dont let he or anyone tell you it wont ............

Should you need to chat at all in private send me a PM ..... I might be able to help with a few ideas that I sont think need to be in a public forum.

Thanks, thats helped me a lot.
I can use the drugs in system, wasn't sure how long they stayed, yes he uses weed as well.

I think he is getting close to the phycosis stage.

Going to see his brother for sure now, tonight.
Thanks for your offer of help, if I get stuck I'll PM you, unless you have anything you think is very important could you please PM me with it.

BA GT-HO I thought I was going to find him dead last night, but after talking to him I was assured that that would never happen. But that's coming from a guy that is close to the phycosis stage. Having everyones advice has helped me.

Thanks.

johnydep · 27-06-2005, 02:31 PM

Just spoke to his brother & sister. They suspected drugs, but weren't sure & didn't know which ones.

He had them convinced that his ex is addicted, & used that as his reasoning for his irrational behaviour, anger and what ever else he is going through & doing.

His brother took it worse than the sister.

Now we just have to work out what to do.

conordec · 27-06-2005, 02:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dellboy999

If it was me I would want my brother to know as he would come and kick my butt and give me a wake up call but I am saying this as a sober non-addicted person, if I was addicted to something I would give any excuse to someone to not tell my brother cause of the above, but when all is said and done, and I was over my addiction I would be see reason and be happy I was dobbed in.

Just my thoughts.

Dellboy,

I agree fully with that statement.
I was back in Australia at Easter for the Nats, was supposed to take my elder brother who's been having a tough time with his ex and his son, sob story all the time etc...

When I got back, he'd been on the drink severely, house was a mess, worked, drank etc.
I basically confronted him and whacked him a few times the night before we were to leave for ballarat. I woke up early got in the car and left.

He was upset and wondered why I didn't take him, but told him he was a drunk, useless, embarassing idiot, and that if he didn't get some help, I'd disown him as a brother. Also had the old man come in and give him a heap of aswell.

Reality is a good tool, just have to be careful it doesn't go too far, and push them further into depression though.

Good luck, it's not easy.

MITCHAY · 27-06-2005, 02:47 PM

At the very least your not shouldering all the burden on your own now. Some times a good kick in the butt helps.

johnydep · 27-06-2005, 03:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MITCHAY

At the very least your not shouldering all the burden on your own now. Some times a good kick in the butt helps.

Having told his brother & sister has made me feel a hell of a lot better, now I know that the some of the burden of decision making has been taken of of me.

Thanks conordec, his brother is the sort of fella that can, will, does & believes in a good smack. But I've told himto control himself for now, a smack in the head will be the last resort.

Decadentia · 27-06-2005, 04:14 PM

Don't for a minute think that if you gave him a week he'd change his mind, you did the right thing. You couldn't be more of a mate if you tried johnydep

ferris01 · 27-06-2005, 04:20 PM

Get professional advice...Salvos might be a good place to start...

conordec · 27-06-2005, 04:41 PM

Thanks conordec, his brother is the sort of fella that can, will, does & believes in a good smack. But I've told himto control himself for now, a smack in the head will be the last resort.[/QUOTE]

I did have to replace a wall I put him through, but the outcome was worth it.

Good luck.

mutanti · 27-06-2005, 07:27 PM

had a friend recently shoot himself dead while I was in Qland on holidays.
His misses and himself smoked a bit of the weed and she took of on him with the kids,
He was finding it very tough not seeing the kids, after visiting them he shot himself in his ute on the way home under a tree, Another mate found him.
I received a call from a mate not knowing I was on holidays (I did not even know at the time of his death) if I had been around to visit the family yet, When I asked why / what happened, I was shocked.
you have done the right thing telling the family. He needs to know that you are only trying to help him and not fight him. He wont like you for it but it may be the only way.
When you are on a low like he is at the moment anything is possible so tread carfully.
Good luck